On center street in Provo, in a charmless and rather off-putting kindergarten-esque atmosphere, one can lounge upon a cafeteria-style plastic bench and enjoy (using the word loosely) a steaming heap of vile fraud. China Garden is anything but what the name implies: authentically Chinese and garden fresh. In fact, due to the heavy industrialization and urbanization prevalent in China over the past few years, Chinese gardens are few and far between anyway making the whole thing something of a misnomer.
A startling revelation of the past couple years of my life is this: there is an invisible hand of mediocrity that somehow taints every semblance of Chinese cuisine that migrates across the Pacific Ocean. In a twisted feat of wicked transformation, appetizing dishes of a stellar caliber are degenerated into unimpressive and in some cases downright sickening imitations of the real thing.
But what occurs during this process of transformation? What is the secret behind this evil metamorphosis from light and flavorful 炒面 (Chao mian) to greasy, MSG-soaked Chao mein, mouth-watering 锅贴(guo tie) to gag-reflex-inducing pot stickers, and delightfully crispy 春卷(chunjuan) to soggy egg rolls? Are fresh ingredients not as readily available in the US of A? Are they drastically more expensive and therefore cheap substitutes are purchased in their place (if so then I strongly object to having paid $8.60 for my Moo Goo Gai Pan last week)? Do sea squalls or pressurized aircraft chambers somehow irreparably damage recipes brought from the east to west hemisphere?
Questions like these may never find an answer but one thing is for sure: almost every single Chinese restaurant that immigrates to the United States is a foul and depressing shadow of its former glory.
I weep for you China Garden.
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| P.S. Fortune cookies don't exist in China |
MAN.. that is one harsh evaluation... PF Changs isn't THAT bad!! ;)
ReplyDeleteI did say ALMOST every Chinese restaurant. Total qualifier!
ReplyDeleteI remember asking my waitress in Beijing where "Fortune Cookies" originated. She looked at me and said... "LA."
ReplyDeleteShe speaks the truth. Fortune cookies have no tie to traditional Chinese food and were developed in a food grade industrial plant in Los Angeles. Trust the food science major.
ReplyDeleteAlso, cuisine in the US is much harder to produce well because there are so many regulations on it. What might have tasted better in China is far more likely to give you a serious food-bourne illness such as botulism or salmonella. Food in the US is required to be cooked at a given time and temperature to kill the pathogens, but may cause the eggrolls to be a bit soggy from over-cooking.
Or they're just bad cooks, that's a possibility too.