CANDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Coming from an experienced sweet-tooth, this is a serious subject. Not all candies were created equal. It's rare to find a candy that's just gross, the exception being necco wafers and valentine's hearts, but there are definitely some that win king of the hill on the big rock candy mountain. Now, some of you may argue that my rankings aren't correct, but ask anybody's dentist who has eaten the most candy and I'm pretty sure I'll win, so suck it up and accept it. Now, to continue with my lists theme...
It's kind of a long list, I guess that what comes with 20 some years of extreme carb consumption. So listen to this while you scan through...
187 - Necco Wafers and Valentine's Hearts
186-44 - Insert a bunch of random Indian, Mexican and British candies, all of which I'm sure are better than Necco Wafers and Valentine's Hearts
43 - Pez
42 - Smarties
41 - Peeps
40 - Lifesavers
39 - Hershey's Kiss & Hershey's Bars
38 - 3 Musketeers
37 - Red Vines
36 - Candy Corn
35 - Candy Pumpkins
34 - Gummi Bears
33 - M&M's (if there were still crispy M&M's this would probably be higher, but they dug their own grave when they phased them out and tried replacing them with pretzel M&M's. not. the. same.
32 - Almond Joy
31 - Mr. Goodbars
30 - Reese's Pieces
29 - Whoppers
28 - Sour Patch Kids
27 - Penguin Bars
26 - Skittles
25 - Tootsie Rolls
24 - Tootsie Pops
23 - Charleston Chews (Way good if you eat them out of the freezer. That goes for Big Hunks later on too.)
22 - Starburst
21 - Salt Water Taffy
20 - Butterfingers
19 - Good & Plenty's
18 - Werther's Original
17 - Heath Bars
16 - Cow Tails
15 - Milky Way
14 - Toblerone Bars
13 - Kit-Kats
12 - Twix
11 - Milk Duds
10 - Payday
9 - Baby Ruth
8 - Chocolate Oranges
7 - Swedish Fish
6 - Big Hunks
5 - Cadbury Mini-Eggs
4 - Reese's (Mini's are the best)
3 - Snickers
2 -Aero Bars (Awesome british candybar. The mint ones are the best.)
1 - Twizzlers
I know people are going to debate my number one, so here I'll post my defense. First, Twizzlers are a hands free food. Once the package is open there's no rappers to deal with and you can eat it like a tree chipper once it's in your mouth just a little bit. Second, they're sweet, but not overly sweet, so you can eat a ton of them without have to get some milk or a glass of water which makes a lot of the chocolate products hard sometimes. Third, they don't make you're fingers gross. Chocolate tends to melt, powder gets messy, M&M's get color all over your hands, etc. So, to all those who will post to contend this, too bad. You're wrong.
Hooray for Halloween!
P.S. If anyone gives me necco wafers or Valentine's hearts for Halloween, I will tear your tongue out, because you don't deserve to taste candy anymore. You've been forewarned...
'Til Next Week!
-Roland
I submit that the existence of peanut butter M&Ms ought to put them higher on the list. And chocolate oranges being number eight is just a travesty of candy justice. They have a lot of nostalgia value going for them, what with being in every Christmas stocking and all, but have you tasted one recently? The chocolate is super waxy and no good.
ReplyDeleteAnd I'm curious as to why red vines are so low but twizzlers are number one. They're basically the same thing! Except that twizzlers have more plastic!
Also, I've gone crazy like my dad and can no longer handle things with too much red 40 in them. So gross. YOU WILL GET CANCER AND DIE OR MAYBE JUST GET ADHD. STILL GROSS.
And typo alert: Once the package is open there are no rappers to deal with? So the way to get Jay-Z and 50 cent off my back is to open a package of twizzlers?
Roland,
ReplyDeleteThe following items on your list are approved to remain:
Snickers
Twix
Cow Tails
Kit Kats
swedish fish
hershey bar (when dipped in real peanut butter)
Most of that other stuff is garbage candy - ugh.
But you do need to add Whatchamacalit and 5th Avenue to your list.
How is life savers all the way down at 40? With so many different kinds they're bound to out-rank worthers.
ReplyDeleteWow, controversial list here... I'd say you're fine. As long as Reeses makes top five, I'm happy. Not gonna lie, though, Brinley and I are rather offended that we didn't get at least partial credit for helping to inspire this blog post. Just sayin.
ReplyDelete(Have you checked the children?)