"What the deuce am I doing?"
Finding myself awake at 8AM on Friday morning, eyes adjusting to rays of early sunlight streaming through the window, fingers throbbing and still clutching to the xbox controller that had kept me alive during the sleepless night of frantic zombie apocalypse survival, I had little choice but to ask the above question.
Although I realize many likely take offense at the coarse diction of the above sentence ("deuce"), there come times when we all have to ask it of ourselves. Although it could, of course, refer to any number of ridiculous behaviors/unwise decisions, I'm going to talk a little about how it relates to the concept of "productivity."
I don't know about you, but I find myself having to regularly assess the "productivity" of my behavior. And although I often do so, I seldom consider what productivity really is and whether it's even a good idea at all.
Some of my first experiences with the term "productive" stem from my interactions with my parents, who are among the most "productive" people I know and consistently urge me in a similar direction. But let's take a moment and consider the meaning of the word.
Dictionary.com says "having the power of producing" which is entirely unhelpful. Producing, then, is defined as "being productive"... which causes me to wonder if the editors of dictionary.com might have spent a little too much time playing xbox and not enough doing their job... ok just kidding. It's actually "to bring into existence by intellectual or creative activity." Okay.
Adolf Hitler. Now there was a productive guy. He actually managed to bring unemployment in Germany down to 0% for a time. How's that for productivity? And how about all that forced slave labor? You can bet that sure cut down big time on unproductive activities like laughing or eating. Or sleeping.
Based on this example, we can conclude productivity to be an evil practice resulting in the pain and misery of millions.
Many of you might argue that a sample size of one is hardly sufficient to draw conclusions from. Fine. Let me double the sample size: Joseph Stalin. Booyah.
Frankly speaking, from some perspectives, life can be pretty pointless. Consider, for example, making your bed. My clever counter-argument to my parents'' admonitions to make my bed was that I would be sleeping in it again in probably less than 16 hours thereby rendering such an activity a complete waste of my time. I guess we could consider the bed manufacturer at least as a productive agent in the equation. But who's to say I wouldn't be better off just sleeping on the ground? It could, after all, be better for my back.
In any case, it could be argued that everything we do is a pointless waste of time. In which case, it may be appropriate to question why I am even engaging in an activity that so dangerously resembles bringing something into existence by intellectual or creative means... I could be killing zombies right now.
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Saturday, November 17, 2012
Moody's Corner - For the Candy
Nice short one today everyone, Blickenstaff's Toy Store will give you free candy if you post their a link to their store on a blog so here it goes:https://www.facebook.com/Blickenstaffs
http://www.shopsatriverwoods.com/shopping/blickenstaffs.html
Blickenstaff's sells great candy, ranging from your traditional chocolate covered what-nots to more exotic gummy strawberries (which happens to be Carleigh's favorite). They're located in the Riverwood shopping complex in Provo, Utah and I highly recommend at least sampling some of their merchandise. Enjoy!!!
Also guys it's almost thanksgiving, and as you all should know, Thanksgiving happens to be my favorite holiday! WOOTWOOT.
Peace,
Moody
Monday, November 12, 2012
Veteran's Day Satire
Dear Folks,
Communism and the Caribbean have had a love affair and tale that is as old as time (and song as old as rhyme). But many of you are wondering, why the Caribbean?
Communism has its roots set in the bleak Prusso-German region of Europe (Karl Marx) and it eventually made its way out east to the even bleaker Russian landscape. After attempts to market itself to the world, Communism found China and Vietnam. The only problem with all of these places is that they are not the greatest tourist attracting venues. ("Welcome to Mother Russia; where the only thing colder than the vodka is the people." or "Good Morning Vietnam! Where the smell of napalm never ceases...Pho." or "China Wercomes You! You no come no reave fo' many dynasties...[Except Ian]"). The Communist gods frowned with shame as their empire was not attractive to outsiders (or insiders). Not only were they in the most miserable of climates, they would be trounced in Olympic track events as well (but not hockey or gymnastics, "You do flips or KGB fires"). But, somehow, they saw the peaceful isles of the Caribbean, and it was a match made in Leningrad. Sprinters and wonderful sub-tropical climate galore!
Since the early 20th century, Cuba was a breeding spot for socialist indoctrination (for exact facts and dates, see Wikipedia). Cuba is a beautiful island with beaches that could be filled with the proletariat and socialist elites as far as the eye could see. Communism had found its promised land. In 1961, Fidel Castro finally came out of the socioeconomic closet by openly declaring himself as a Marxist-Leninist (and the birth of the CCCP, "The Cute Cuban Communist Party" is what it translates to in English). Then, shortly after that in 1962, something called the Cuban Missile Crisis happened. After many talks of "red buttons" and "anti-red, pinko, Commi buttons" to be pushed, eventually, none of said buttons were pushed and there was a cooling down in the Cold War (but not the Havanna night life, ay Papi!).
Blah, blah, blah, we fast forward to 1983, when Communists try to extend their evil red grasp upon another Caribbean nation, Grenada (also known as the Spice Island, apparently not only are the people bland in the Soviet Union and China, but so is the food). But you know what happened next? That's right...
So, American troops land and stave off a military coup with help from other Eastern Caribbean nations, thus, containing the Communists to Cuba... and that's it! As a result, the travel and tourism industry as well as the Olympic medal counts stay in a healthy balance.
In conclusion, the Communists wanted the Caribbean to increase their tourist attractiveness and to gain an edge in Olympic track and field sprint events... The End
Veterans, we salute you!
Zipson
In honor of Veteran's Day (Happy Veteran's Day), I get to tell war stories... real war stories (not really).
(The following is a satire and is only mostly true)
"Communism in the Caribbean: What's Up With That?"
Communism and the Caribbean have had a love affair and tale that is as old as time (and song as old as rhyme). But many of you are wondering, why the Caribbean?
Communism has its roots set in the bleak Prusso-German region of Europe (Karl Marx) and it eventually made its way out east to the even bleaker Russian landscape. After attempts to market itself to the world, Communism found China and Vietnam. The only problem with all of these places is that they are not the greatest tourist attracting venues. ("Welcome to Mother Russia; where the only thing colder than the vodka is the people." or "Good Morning Vietnam! Where the smell of napalm never ceases...Pho." or "China Wercomes You! You no come no reave fo' many dynasties...[Except Ian]"). The Communist gods frowned with shame as their empire was not attractive to outsiders (or insiders). Not only were they in the most miserable of climates, they would be trounced in Olympic track events as well (but not hockey or gymnastics, "You do flips or KGB fires"). But, somehow, they saw the peaceful isles of the Caribbean, and it was a match made in Leningrad. Sprinters and wonderful sub-tropical climate galore!
Since the early 20th century, Cuba was a breeding spot for socialist indoctrination (for exact facts and dates, see Wikipedia). Cuba is a beautiful island with beaches that could be filled with the proletariat and socialist elites as far as the eye could see. Communism had found its promised land. In 1961, Fidel Castro finally came out of the socioeconomic closet by openly declaring himself as a Marxist-Leninist (and the birth of the CCCP, "The Cute Cuban Communist Party" is what it translates to in English). Then, shortly after that in 1962, something called the Cuban Missile Crisis happened. After many talks of "red buttons" and "anti-red, pinko, Commi buttons" to be pushed, eventually, none of said buttons were pushed and there was a cooling down in the Cold War (but not the Havanna night life, ay Papi!).
Blah, blah, blah, we fast forward to 1983, when Communists try to extend their evil red grasp upon another Caribbean nation, Grenada (also known as the Spice Island, apparently not only are the people bland in the Soviet Union and China, but so is the food). But you know what happened next? That's right...
AMERICA!
So, American troops land and stave off a military coup with help from other Eastern Caribbean nations, thus, containing the Communists to Cuba... and that's it! As a result, the travel and tourism industry as well as the Olympic medal counts stay in a healthy balance.
Hazzah for Grenada!
Veterans, we salute you!
Zipson
Friday, November 9, 2012
Christian's reign of unfunniness
I am seizing control of this website. You have been warned. The following is a few attempts at some jokes I made up:
I am amazed that people haven't had me committed to a mental hospital, because I talk to myself a lot. Frequently it's because my computer microphone has come unplugged. It wouldn't be a problem if I wasn't playing online games and saying things like "I will trade you 5 vials of thick blood for 3 tomatoes."
Other times people catch me singing. I like to sing along with my iPhone music on the way to class. The target volume at which I sing is just so that the person walking closest to me can't hear me. But sometimes people sneak up on me from behind. Then they hear me sing things out of context, like "I'd be slowly walking in a group stalking you. You'd be the only man alive that I could not resist!"
At BYU, you always hear that there are girls that are desperate to get married. I don't believe it's true, or I wouldn't be so desperate to get a date.
I went to space camp last year. I got kicked out because I was a bad astronaut. No one's told me what a tronaut is yet.
The relative safety of any given street is inversely proportional to how comfortable I would be if I picked my nose.
I find that a female described to me as a "lady" is typically more attractive than any given female who might be described to me as a "woman." The reverse is true if this label is preceded by the word "cat."
Have a nice night!
-Christian under the authority of Eliot.
Tuesdays with Ian - Why Am I In a Hipster Band?
Yes I realize it is no longer Tuesday and that I did not post last week and for this I apologize profusely. In my defense, I was lazy.
I formed a band today. The band consists of me. And Mitch. I am, of course, is the lead guitarist and lead vocalist. And Mitch plays... the recorder.
Now I know you're probably thinking what Mitch said to me when I formed the band, "the penny whistle and guitar don't really go too well together" or maybe "I would rather throw myself repeatedly against a barbed wire fence than listen to you play the guitar" (not really an altogether fair statement considering the fact that I'm pretty darn good at the guitar for only having been playing for about a week now and it's been a long time since I've seen a barbed wire fence thereby effectively eliminating that as an option). But let's examine this claim in greater detail.
A conventional rock band, of course, consists of a set of drums, guitar, bass guitar, and sometimes a keyboard. Or saxophone. If you're from the 80's or something. Or if you're really in an 80's band then you'll probably have a synthesizer. Or two. But let's be honest. How trite! How contrived! How... and prepare yourselves for this last adjective for I know how offensive it is to the ears of genuine indie hipsters... Mainstream...
Of course being in a hipster band has its disadvantages: running the risk of actually becoming well-known and popular, exposing yourself to the pretentious and sarcastic barbs of fellow pretentious indie band-mates, the possibility of getting lazy and becoming an "experimental noise" group... the list goes on. But the genius of the concept is in the fact that the fewer the people that like you, the cooler and more hip you can be.
Isn't is great to be obscure? Mitch and I sure think so. And that's why we haven't even come up with a band name yet. People can hardly chant and scream and support your band when they don't even know what it's called.
Also don't link this to anyone... And don't tell your friends.
So without further ado, here's Mitch and my first single:
I formed a band today. The band consists of me. And Mitch. I am, of course, is the lead guitarist and lead vocalist. And Mitch plays... the recorder.
Now I know you're probably thinking what Mitch said to me when I formed the band, "the penny whistle and guitar don't really go too well together" or maybe "I would rather throw myself repeatedly against a barbed wire fence than listen to you play the guitar" (not really an altogether fair statement considering the fact that I'm pretty darn good at the guitar for only having been playing for about a week now and it's been a long time since I've seen a barbed wire fence thereby effectively eliminating that as an option). But let's examine this claim in greater detail.
A conventional rock band, of course, consists of a set of drums, guitar, bass guitar, and sometimes a keyboard. Or saxophone. If you're from the 80's or something. Or if you're really in an 80's band then you'll probably have a synthesizer. Or two. But let's be honest. How trite! How contrived! How... and prepare yourselves for this last adjective for I know how offensive it is to the ears of genuine indie hipsters... Mainstream...
Of course being in a hipster band has its disadvantages: running the risk of actually becoming well-known and popular, exposing yourself to the pretentious and sarcastic barbs of fellow pretentious indie band-mates, the possibility of getting lazy and becoming an "experimental noise" group... the list goes on. But the genius of the concept is in the fact that the fewer the people that like you, the cooler and more hip you can be.
Isn't is great to be obscure? Mitch and I sure think so. And that's why we haven't even come up with a band name yet. People can hardly chant and scream and support your band when they don't even know what it's called.
Also don't link this to anyone... And don't tell your friends.
So without further ado, here's Mitch and my first single:
Thursday, November 8, 2012
Moody's Corner - Random Stuff of the Day
Well I had so many ideas kicking about inside of my head today that I grew tired of trying to pick one and will now dump them all onto this post. I hope this quick glimpse into the confines of my brain doesn't leave you scarred or wondering how I function normally (or semi-normally) in daily life.
A dog's bucket list
1. Find a spot to ay down
2. Turn around
3. Turn around
4. Turn around
5. Lay down
6. Trick the humans by barking at the door when you didn't actually hear anything
7. Eat a filet mignon. Or some throwup. What do you care you're a dog.
8. Get onto YouTube with an adorable video
9. Knock over a small child
10. Spade or neuter a human, see how they like it!
My favorite quotes from Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
(Notice the logic in this one. It's logically sound, through the premises are fallacious, which is why I found it so funny)
This one proves that the universe is uninhabited:
“It is known that there are an infinite number of worlds, simply because there is an infinite amount of space for them to be in. However, not every one of them is inhabited. Therefore, there must be a finite number of inhabited worlds. Any finite number divided by infinity is as near to nothing as makes no odds, so the average population of all the planets in the Universe can be said to be zero. From this it follows that the population of the whole Universe is also zero, and that any people you may meet from time to time are merely the products of a deranged imagination.”
And now my real favorite, I actually laughed as I read it:
“What's the problem Earthman?" said Zaphod, now transferring his attention to the animal's enormous rump.
"I just don't want to eat an animal that's standing here inviting me to," said Arthur, "it's heartless."
"Better than eating an animal that doesn't want to be eaten," said Zaphod.
"That's not the point," Arthur protested. Then he thought about it for a moment. "Alright," he said, "maybe it is the point. I don't care, I'm not going to think about it now. I'll just ... er ..."
The Universe raged about him in its death throes.
"I think I'll just have a green salad," he muttered.
"May I urge you to consider my liver?" asked the animal, "it must be very rich and tender by now, I've been force-feeding myself for months."
"A green salad," said Arthur emphatically.
"A green salad?" said the animal, rolling his eyes disapprovingly at Arthur.
"Are you going to tell me," said Arthur, "that I shouldn't have green salad?"
"Well," said the animal, "I know many vegetables that are very clear on that point. Which is why it was eventually decided to cut through the whole tangled problem and breed an animal that actually wanted to be eaten and was capable of saying so clearly and distinctly. And here I am."
It managed a very slight bow.
"Glass of water please," said Arthur.”
"I just don't want to eat an animal that's standing here inviting me to," said Arthur, "it's heartless."
"Better than eating an animal that doesn't want to be eaten," said Zaphod.
"That's not the point," Arthur protested. Then he thought about it for a moment. "Alright," he said, "maybe it is the point. I don't care, I'm not going to think about it now. I'll just ... er ..."
The Universe raged about him in its death throes.
"I think I'll just have a green salad," he muttered.
"May I urge you to consider my liver?" asked the animal, "it must be very rich and tender by now, I've been force-feeding myself for months."
"A green salad," said Arthur emphatically.
"A green salad?" said the animal, rolling his eyes disapprovingly at Arthur.
"Are you going to tell me," said Arthur, "that I shouldn't have green salad?"
"Well," said the animal, "I know many vegetables that are very clear on that point. Which is why it was eventually decided to cut through the whole tangled problem and breed an animal that actually wanted to be eaten and was capable of saying so clearly and distinctly. And here I am."
It managed a very slight bow.
"Glass of water please," said Arthur.”
Mary's Mission Call is Here
Guys, it's here. SOOOOOOO crazy. When she actually leaves she'll be younger than I was when I left. I still think it hasn't quite hit me. But tomorrow evening I'll be heading down to Vegas with a few of my favorite people (not mentioning any names because they don't read this anyway) and I'm really excited for it. My guess is that she goes Chinese speaking to Taiwan Taibei. She'll at least go Chinese somewhere. Gonna miss that little fireball!
Have a great weekend everyone!
Love as always, and don't panic,
Moody
Monday, November 5, 2012
Election's Eve
Dear Constituents,
Tomorrow is the General Election. Here is how politics should be...
Tomorrow is the General Election. Here is how politics should be...
Homer Stokes: Friend of the Little Man
"Is you is, or is you ain't my constituents?"
BLACK FOR RESIDENTS' BOARD
Leon Kodak: You see, the country has mood swings.
Lewis Rothschild: Mood swings? Nineteen post-graduate degrees in mathematics, and your best explanation for going from a 63 to a 46 percent approval rating in five weeks is mood swings?
Leon Kodak: Well, I could explain it better, but I'd need charts, and graphs, and an easel.
Lewis Rothschild: Mood swings? Nineteen post-graduate degrees in mathematics, and your best explanation for going from a 63 to a 46 percent approval rating in five weeks is mood swings?
Leon Kodak: Well, I could explain it better, but I'd need charts, and graphs, and an easel.
Pedro offers you his protection
One Love,
Zac
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Moody's Corner - Scary Stories
Halloween was way fun guys. I followed my sister trick or treating. And before you ask, no it wasn't my youngest sister, it was my classmate, 18 year old sister and her friends. Also this kid came along with us that I met in accounting earlier in the week. His laugh is... Hard to describe. Imagine saying 'ah' really loudly, then making it increase in pitch right near the end. Now imagine doing that in the most fake laugh you can. If you're doing it correctly, meaning if you sound more obnoxious than a howler monkey with a fog horn, then you've got this kids laugh down. Anyway I've never dreaded hearing someone laugh more in my entire life. I hope he doesn't read this, cuz it sounds mean, but if he does: Dude. Change your laugh.
After that we had the gang over to watch a Knight's Tale. Really good. Lots of snuggling. Snuggling isn't a contract, but it's very nice. Also I fell asleep like 40 times. After everyone left I stumbled on a list of the scariest internet memes. And it was legitimately scary. Here's the link. If you feel like a good read, check out the Caver story (it takes about an hour to finish but is entirely engrossing, really recommend it), the Russian Sleep Experiment (this is horrifying, not for the faint hearted, but also really really good), and the Slender Man stories (this one has a ton of branch offs and stuff, but the pictures speak for them selves, creepy). The following picture is from the legend of Smile.jpg.
So here are the links
These actually had me a bit scared, and I'm usually really good with this kind of thing... Enjoy the terror!
Lovesies,
Moody
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